Introduction
Apes of Wrath review. From as far back as I can remember, cannabis has always been around me. It was in the music I listened to. It was in the movies I watched. It was in the pockets of older cousins I liked tagging along with at cool parties. By age 14, I knew simple terms, like “sativa” and “indicia,” but none of the finer details.
No one taught me what to look for or what questions to ask. Eventually, I started googling my questions. What’s a 3.5? What made a strain good? What IS the difference between sativa and indica? So on and so forth. Now, over a decade later, I find myself helping others get into cannabis and the many benefits it has to offer. So today, I hope to be even more helpful by bringing you my first ever One Hit Review, featuring Apes of Wrath by the Elyon brand.
Based out of California, Elyon’s South Jersey grow house enjoys a high-quality cultivation process where they cure, trim, and package up bud that’s ready for distribution. Elyon understands that presentation is as important as the quality of the product with its product packaging. Each strain is encased in its own unique vivid color scheme and comes with smell-proof packaging.
Presentation
Apes of Wrath sports an opaque ape perfectly blended into a purple and green colorway. This design is sure to catch your eye. I can’t really say I’m a fan of most bagged flower as they’re susceptible to drying out. Something to watch out for
The REAL first impression arrives once you pop open the bag and your nose is filled with the sweet scent of grapes and pungent gassy undertones – one whiff and I could feel my stress melting away already. I like to say, “the stronger the fonk, the heavier the high!” And so we’ve overcome our first hurdle. I reached into the bag like a kid greedily grasping for that first chip out of a newly opened bag of Doritos, and the first nug in my hand was covered in kief.
The Review
A closer inspection inside our Cookies Magnifying Jar revealed a beautiful architecture of trichomes decorating our green and purple-hued specimen. Resembling the flamboyant coral reefs of the Ningaloo Coast. We’ve passed the smell test and the visuals are stunning, but does it stand up to the squeeze test?
For those unfamiliar, the squeeze test is simply taking your nugget and squeezing it between your fingers. If it turns to dust, you’ve got some dry flower on your hands that may not hit so hard. The stickier and spongier stuff is what you’re looking for. Apes of Wrath sits perfectly in the middle. Not so dry that it falls apart, but not so sticky that it’s hard to grind.
I know most prefer to roll their weed [as do I] but for anything new, a fat ‘ol bong rip is where it’s at. And man does this strain hit! An instant wave of relaxation rushed through my body. Slowly exhaling, I imagined this is how an air mattress feels like when it’s time to be deflated. Yeah, we’re cruising now. I don’t know about going apesh*t, but I definitely feel the layers of tension peeling away. After about an hour of binging some of my favorite shows, I could feel the sedative effects ushering me into a pretty satisfying nap.
Conclusion
The apes in these trees are the real deal. I deal with a lot of lower back pain and insomnia and this Indica strain really pulled through for me. Coming in at 24% THC and a whopping 4% Terpenes; For only $42 for an 3.5g, that’s not a bad deal I’d say. Slide on over to our shop and use WEB25 if you’re a first-time buyer for an additional 25% off! Hope you enjoyed our first One Hit Review. See you next time!
~ Rob, aka Pendrick Lamar, aka Mr. Morale & the Big Dabbers
